I was recently at an awesome education technology workshop over the past two days. For the most part, things were fantastically orchestrated. I learned a significant amount of new skills, though I am not yet adroit in them. I was enticed by the view of it all!
I entered a well fashioned smorgasbord, and they delivered! In fact, I learned so much that by 11AM, which was two hours in, my head was swimming with new ideas. I felt a slight tightness in my chest at this time on both days. I knew this was because I wanted to do everything I was learning next year; I knew the time and dedication that it was going to take! Anxiety sunk in, but it did not discourage me. I was up for the challenge! We went from class to class, my friend and I, almost skipping, but definitely walking briskly, and collaborating every step of the way. We felt we had the new techy tools to make it happen: Motivate and engage our students with technology, which is an important and essential step to acquiring skills and knowledge! On the other hand and on both afternoons, we had the opposite experience each day. I have to ask this question: Have you ever been frozen in a classroom and unable to gain a thing? This is what happened.
To give you some background and to take some of the blame off the presenters, I think some of them may have been from a company and not in the classroom very long. I say this because of how I felt in a few of the classrooms I visited. I am writing this because I just wrote about the importance of reflection in my past entry and not to slam the workshop. Every experience is one to learn from. In short, reflection is a powerful tool!
I learned a lot being a student in the seat again! Don’t ever tell your students from the gate; this is not a beginner course. You should have learned this first. So, I can’t stop for you. Instead, tell and assess what students need before they enter your course or before an activity begins. Give help and hope along the way. From the start, the trainer told me I would not be successful without saying those words. It was the other negative and hurtful words I heard. What happened? I shut down. "Why try?"; I thought to myself. It sounds like a poor attitude, but this is what I was feeling. I was thinking: “This is way over my head; I better not raise my hand; she is going to embarrass me and tell me something like I already told you that I CAN'T help you.” This is one of those powerful reflective moments I wrote about last week. Forgive me (I thought in my head). I said a prayer. God help me never to be like this in my classroom. I don’t want any student to leave my classroom feeling this way.
The other poignant moment I had was when I knew what I was talking about when addressing the trainer, and the they were not listening to the problem I was experiencing. I know she was trying to, but she was trying to solve my problem before I finished telling her what was wrong. You've been there before, and it is in those moments that you can shut down.
She kept saying, “I am only here to show you this _______. I can’t teach you to do __________________.” Ughh, I can hear her whiny voice right now as I was sitting in my seat simmering and thinking: “Listen, I know how to do the other things you are talking about, but my laptop is not showing what your screen is showing. How can I get the buttons to be the same so I can learn and practice like EVERYONE ELSE?” I tried to get help three times with no avail. I was about to erupt!
I am working on being patient and not snapping when I feel this way. Since I had a premonition that I was about to embarrass myself by going off on the instructor, which would also embarrass my husband, friend, and NPHS, I decided to time myself out of there ASAP. I could not sit there and swallow my frustrations anymore. The pot was about to boil, and I did not want to burn or scar anyone, including myself. So, I got up, walked, and counted to ten in the hallway. I returned, but decided to just sit it out and not open my mouth. I sat there and thought about my students. “How many high schoolers have walked out of my classroom because they are frustrated about something or any others for that matter?” True, it may not always be an educational reason, but what if we were able to pay MORE attention to the signs and help them adjust or get the support they need? All in all, I felt no safety or life-preserver, life-line, or any other support there to help me. It was over.
In reflection, I never want to be the teacher that students are saying, “I hate that class” for the above reason or any reason for that matter. I want students to feel safe in my room. I have a lot of work to do on improving my classroom environment. I learned a tremendous amount being a student in the seat again! I will never be the same after these past two days and neither will my friend! Even though I do reflection sheets at the end of every year, I think I learned more by this experience than the action of distributing, reading, and analyzing the year-end surveys! I have to say that I am sorry if any student has ever felt this way in my classroom. I will try to do more to ease my students when they feel frustrated. I will and do buddy them up with someone who is savvier to help if I can’t be there the entire time. What about you?
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